Long ago in a galaxy far, far away I had an XW (11yrs) and an XGF (8mo). My life's always been chaos, but my home's at a point I can have house guests over, and my Bumbling's improving.

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I'm Climbing the Mountain (again) in 2022 III

Yesterday was an absolutely perfect afternoon date--that began and ended miserably.

I only had 5hrs of sleep when my alarm went off signaling I needed to leave in an hour to meet Ms Sunshine and go kayaking. I spent 15min in the shower, 15min on a picnic, and 45min on my car before deciding it was still a "D"in cleanliness plus no license (misplaced), no registration (needs a smog check), and a check engine light (why it won't pass a smog check). My front door handle broke unexpectedly on my way out. I started to wonder why I was dating at all?! I need to invest more time in ordering my home, car, and life!

I asked Ms Suneshine to drive. The kayak rental shop told us rentals could go to B but no further. We talked to the manager and he approved us going to point C, 2.5x further than point B! I was excited we got approval and she was up for it. As we rowed past point B, a ranger stopped us. "You can't get to point C! Does your rental shop know?!" We clarified we had approval and continued on. Ms Sunshine said it sounded like I was determined to get to point C. I said I was happy to turn around anywhere, I was mostly there for her company. Well, we got to point C and she wanted to go further! She opened up about all sorts of things. She said she felt so safe. When we got back, what most impressed me, was she wasn't tired out AND she taught me a new kayaking stroke. (:

I pointed out it was too late for our picnic and said it was okay. She called her XH to re-arrange her son's pickup time, and her friend to postpone getting together. I laid out 3 local artisan cheeses, grapes, shortbreads, wine, water, bread, and three types of nuts. She said she hadn't known whether to tell her friend this was a date or not. She stared into my eyes.. and.. I didn't say anything?! I felt VERY awkward. I don't know what I wanted. My whole plan had been NOT to label today and see what happened. I felt tired and not up to making a decision. I focused on my food. I talked about what I saw on the beach. I cleaned up. With the food in-between us gone, I sat closer to her like earlier. She seemed open to a kiss but I didn't know if I wanted that?! I said we should get going. On the way home I was quiet, and she filled the silence by asking me questions, which I gave brief non-answers to. When I left I gave her a hug and said bye, then she followed me to my car?! I gave her another hug and said bye again.

I sent her a text that evening thanking her for a lovely day, but decided to sleep on everything. I thought about what LH, Ginger, or Dawn would do. Then I thought about what my best self would say--

"So, yesterday, sitting on a scenic beach with you in a pretty dress after a perfect afternoon, I was taken off-guard but what I was feeling. I like you. I would love to take you on a dinner date, if the awkwardness at the end of the day didn't scare you off. ;)"

I acknowledged how I was feeling and acting oddly at the end, I didn't apologize because it wasn't "wrong" to do so, and I told her I was up for a dinner date. Even if she says no, hopefully clearing the air about what happened makes it easier for us to move forward as adventure buddies.

In any event, the next step is to organize my life before anyone looks too closely. (:

Last edited by job; 08/10/21 05:28 PM. Reason: Fixed link