I've told you this before, but this all has a lot less to do with you than you think it does. She isn't out to ruin you, she is just trying to be happy. Is she going about it all wrong? Absolutely. But no one can tell her that, she has to find it out on her own.
I know you have and I trust you are right. Others too have said that it's not personal, but it sure as hell feels like it is just that and it's difficult to see otherwise. As you say, she has gone about it all wrong. If she wanted out all she had to do was say and a conversation could have been held, rather than lie, cheat and steal and make it all so complicated. I think it was wayfarer that said that it'll probably get worse (or CWarrior). Isn't it strange that some people think that in order for them to be happy, they have to try and ruin somebody's else's life, rather than find out why they don't feel happy inside? That's how it seems to me.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
You need to try to separate yourself from her actions. That is what detachment is. Is it difficult to do? You betcha! But it is the only path forward. The alternative is to sit and stew on everything like you are currently doing.
I'm trying not to stew, honestly. In actual fact this time of day is better for me as I feel fairly relaxed. It's the first 75% of the day that's tough and I don't know why. I don't enjoy doing anything anymore. Spent some time in the garden today tidying up I think that done some good.
So detachment. How? I wish there was a book for this that I could read - "Detachment in 21 Days". I do not know how to do this. Even somebody telling me that she went on holiday immediately after leaving, affects me. I've even read the detachment thread and I still can't work it out. Perhaps I am destined for stupidity and that's why I didn't know she was having an affair or that I let it happen more than once.
My neighbour brought loads of boxes home for me today (he's the assistant manager of a small supermarket), so I can start separating stuff out now - her stuff, my stuff, stuff to sell for moving to bin stuff. Perhaps that will help detach a bit. I'm going down the coffee shop every morning to be around people and doing stuff like sorting things through for moving, writing emails, making phone calls or reading. I have sussed out they have internet too, just in case I get cut off here soon, so at least I can still function to some degree, if not at a very slow speed!
I just wish there was more going on around this sleepy country town, as it would probably make detaching slightly easier.
If there is a hidden secret, I would appreciate a share
M(55), W(45) BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21) Divorce Filed (16 July '21) --- When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.