Originally Posted by SteveLW
This latest update is disturbing to me. I sincerely hope that you can find therapy somehow someway. This last post seems desperate and hopeless.
That's how I felt, still feel. This is such an awful situation and I'm doing my best to sort as much as I can then it becomes overwhelming. I'm sorry if I came across really bad. I did reach out to a crisis line to chat through a few things and the girl was really helpful - although it makes me feel pathetic. Through all of this the biggest thing that gives me the most pain is that somebody who I have truly loved for all these years, has been having a long-term affair (it would seem) and has co-ordinated a strategy to leave me penniless and then continues to try to crush me into the ground and treat me as if she absolutely despises me, all without reason. That hurts deep and that's what I can't get my head round and I never will and that's what messes me up a lot. It truly is unbelievable and it's like I'm in some sort of drama series where each day is a new episode.

Originally Posted by Thornton
There have been a few times in my life that I could not see a way out. I literally had no options and my life felt like it was crumbling around me. I've been in very, very dark and scary places in my life before. And every single time, somehow, some way, a path revealed itself, often at the very last moment.
This is how I feel, like all my options are disappearing. I wake up every morning so anxious I don't know what to do with myself. I want to push forward and try, but this panic feeling just creeps up and overwhelms. I have been trying to create a different road to take me out of this situation, but it's like the road-workers come along at the last moment and close the road.

Originally Posted by Thornton
Like Steve suggests, make calls, ask for help, and don't give up. I promise things will get better if you can just ride out this storm.
I'm asking for help but it goes nowhere. I reach out to the few people I know and they don't respond and I fear that pushes them away. The girl who does CBT is referring me to relationship counselling, but that will probably be a few weeks and over the phone. I need to meet people really and talk face to face, but that's not allowed now.

Originally Posted by Thornton
I'm not sure if you are religious, but I often sought comfort in the church. Speaking to a preacher is free, and they can often point you in a direction to get help.

You have the strength to get through this, I promise you.
I'm not religious. sometimes I wish I was though to try to help make sense that this is all happening for some reason or other. I really hope I have the strength somewhere to pull through, as I think I'm doing fine, then all of a sudden I'm not anymore.

But I'll keep going best I can. Got to start sorting stuff out today see what I need to take with me for when I move. I'm sure I'll get there.

M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.