Originally Posted by joejoe1
Something that help me with understanding my sitch was, laying all my cards on the table from both sides of my Marriage from the way I saw it and having people from the outside put some of their perspective on my Sitch.

Reading over your Sitch, this is what I see, none of it is an excuse for your wife, but it might help with your understanding of the view from her foxhole.

For the last SEVEN years your wife has been holding it down for the both of you. She has been going to work, paying the bills, coming home to most likely listen to you about your day. You have held a job a few times, but the burden has been on her. And most likely she didn't tell your about how bad her day was, because she was more sympathetic to what your were going through (just my thought, most people don't like to lay their burdens on people they think might have it harder than them). Than, you proposed ideas to help with the financial burden, but your ideas involved her helping with the work, not only helping but you needed her to front the investments to help get your ideas off the ground. Than after all that, you stated she was WAITING on you to get started, and you in turn was waiting on her.

So, to lay it all out
She works
She pays all the bills
She takes care of you
She listen to you come up with ideas about helping with the financial burden
The idea involves her having to help
She has to also front the investment
She has to wait on you to get it started, because you are waiting on her

And she did this for a span of seven years, that's a lot to carry, and most people instead of communicating their unhappiness, they run, they grab onto the first sunlight that their minds and emotions find.

A lot was placed on your wife shoulders, and that load might just have gotten too heavy to carry and lift.

Lastly, about wedding VOWs. Most of make a VERBAL commitment at an alter during, for the most part a blissful time. Most wedding days are exciting and fun. When we make those commitments, we aren't thinking about all the burdens, that happen. So, when I see people reference wedding VOWs as and end all be all for staying committed, it makes me wonder how far from reality we have come. People change, situations change, life change, and so will people values, boundaries and thought processes.

Marriages are like playdoh and less like steel. While the people in the marriage are changing so are their values, boundaries, and outlooks. Marriages and relationship reshape all the time. You have to be able to have space to freely and openly communicate your boundaries and feelings, and if those spaces aren't present, than one or both of the people start to feel trapped. And once something is trapped, the moment it see's freedom it's out.

Keep working on yourself, My personal opinion is the biggest work for yourself is finding independence from having to rely on any person other than yourself.

Onward and upward

"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
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