Originally Posted by ScottB
LH: It does not give me perspective on her being a stay at home mom. If I didn't have to work too, it would be pretty easy. My challenge is balancing work and care and house.

Scotty B you were on vacation having fun and you got tired out. Not defending her just understanding her side.

Originally Posted by ScottB
For better or worse it does not give me perspective. Especially because over the last 5 years I was "over-functioning". I continued to take on more and more of her responsibilities until she had very little left.

By this time it was too late she had begun to plan her exit strategy.

Originally Posted by ScottB
I should have pushed back and held her to a standard. That would have potentially improved things. Towards the end I think her sense of self suffered because she had an affair, never really owned it, and then she had quit her job and she was not doing much of anything. I think she was depressed and I think it probably continues.

You could be absolutely right but she has to figure this all out for herself.
Originally Posted by ScottB
"Well if you are talking about how you feel or trying to get a reaction or make a point then you are typically being passive aggressive." Interesting thought. I would need to internalize that.

Scotty B it is my opinion that any sent text, letter, email etc from a LBS within the first 3 years of a D they are looking for some sort of reaction. Dig deep on this one.
Originally Posted by ScottB
CW: You're right, I am catastrophizing the situation. This is still a disaster in my mind and my brain is looking at all the negatives and worst case scenarios. I don't have good examples of divorce going well for a family. In my family there hasn't been a divorce among my aunt or uncles or grandparents. Nor in hers, so I don't have much of a model - and definitely not a model of a good situation.

Scotty B I hear you and no one on this board wants to be divorced. But again, you say "my mind" and "my brain" but are not looking at her mind or her brain. Now it could very likely turn out that she made a mistake but you have to let HER come to that conclusion without any influence from you.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi