Originally Posted by BL42
So you've been unemployed for 7 years? That's a very long time. Regardless of what she says (a common saying around here is believe none of what they say) it seems likely it could be a factor in play in your sitch.

Are you still in very bad health? If you are able to work I'd recommend seeking out employment for several reasons. First, it will give you some purpose / reason to get out of bed in the morning. Second, it will help you meet and interact with new people. Third, it will improve your financial status. Fourth, maybe (just maybe) it'll improve her view of you (but don't make that the reason).

I was an IT contractor prior to becoming ill. Had an extremely violent vertigo attack on night and that was that. Although that calmed down within about 2 weeks or so, I have been left permenantly dizzy, blurry eyes, severe tinnitus, chronic fatigue, confusion, memory issues and I lose words a lot. It varies day by day. I wear reading glasses in short bursts as they make me spin. And then there's the unannounced vertigo attacks that wake me up and last for days and put me off kilter for weeks on end. It's like being on a ship in a rough sea 24/7, or just coming off a Waltz ride at the fairground. All good fun. I've got used to dealing with it day to day, but couldn't be reliable for work as I can't do things for extended periods (greater than 10 minutes), such as looking down, bending over and moving around fast.

Over the past couple of years since it's got to a stage where I wanted to start a business online under my own terms. I have some ideas and the wife said that she wanted to do it with me, but she never seemed to want to discuss it. I was waiting for her to start it with me, but she never did.

Anyway, there's my brief medical history. I wouldn't be able to hold down a job and would be unreliable.

Originally Posted by BL42
Sounds like the two of you didn't come into the relationship on the best terms. This might be a bit of karma coming your way, as you may be experiencing what her ex did when she cheated with you. Maybe she told you how bad her Ex was and it made you feel she/you were justified in cheating? But then it turned out it was her all along.

This is my thinking also. I am a firm believer in Karma and your comments echo exactly my thoughts. It never did sit right with me. I felt so guilty after she left him. However, she used to tell me that her wasn't attentive to her and used to come home from work and play on his computer games all night, every night.

I've always been attentive, not necessarily romantically because I'm dizzy a lot of the time, and don't do games.

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My Ex-W had to "go in work early" and "stay late" and literally had relations in the office during the work day to the point HR/administration got involved. Another common thing I've read on this forum is how when there's a will (to cheat) there's always a way (to cheat) regardless of what the LBS thinks about their schedule...they'll figure out a way to do it. Hence, you can't control it.

This is the thing you see. She works a 15 min walk from home. Leaves to get there for 9, leaves dead on 5 and gets home at 5:20. I walk her to work some days and meet her also. And I meet her for lunch every now and again. This hasn't happened over the past month though. She always rings me at lunchtime from work and she's in the office as I can hear the background and people pop in and ask her questions. We speak for ages, 40 mins sometimes. I tell her not to phone and use her lunch hour, but she says she wants to and she likes talking to me. The local office is small and there are only 3 or 4 women who work there. I've met them all!

The only difference is she is going for Partner at work and she has been going back and forth to head office, straight from home, for department meetings in casual clothes, etc. She hasn't had a day off this year, so perhaps she's been taking a day off and pretending to go to the head office. And that's only been happening over the past 6-8 weeks or so.

Think I'm giving up on logic! :-)


M(55), W(45)
BD1: Apr-2011, BD2: 23-May-21, NC (15 June '21)
Divorce Filed (16 July '21)
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When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you need to trust it's there.