Not to pile on, but I tend to agree with LH and R2C.

Originally Posted by mako
Originally Posted by LH19
Yikes! Nothing says "friend zone" like lunch on an Anniversary.
Well it was my idea, so I guess I've friend zoned her?

Actually, isn't it usually the "friend-zone'd" guy who's asking the about making plans with the woman who has friend zoned him? He'll persist on meeting up and doing things even though she repeatedly rebuffs his moves when they hang. She'll either meet up, but only as friends, or decline the invite altogether if she has a preferable option.

Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Originally Posted by mako
We are going out to lunch and I got her flowers.

Every response I want to post to you is sarcastic. Which indicates that I am frustrated. Out of all the choices you have, why do you believe that lunch and flowers is the best choice?

Maybe I misunderstand what the current state of your relationship is. Do you want this woman as a lover? I go to lunch with my mom and bring her flowers.

Women need some type of fun or excitement in there lives. My job is to be that source for my lady. What is your role in your relationship? After the lunch date, will she desire you more?

What are you plans for the evening? Will it be fun and exciting? Are you going out alone? Will she be invited?

I am not looking for answers to these questions. They are for you to reflect on.

During IHS I was pressuring Ex-W to have a "date night" and she was obviously not thrilled (or more accurately, she was disgusted) at the idea, but she finally agreed. My thought (and my counselors) was that if we spent time together and interacted more it would improve things. Being a year ago during the height of COVID we ordered take out from a fancy local restaurant and she quickly said "I'll drive to get it" (without me) and then proceeded to stop the car to talk to our neighbors for a half hour, the food came back tepid, and we had a very basic conversation before she told me she didn't want to be there and went up to bed incredibly early (approx. 7:30pm). In retrospect, I wish I had the strength at never to suggest a date night and instead go out and do something myself.

Granted, the situation is slightly different in that my Ex-W clearly didn't want to be there and your W is at least backed off the D and said she's willing to try, but think the point is if she really was into trying she would be enthusiastic and make plans for the anniversary (or happily enhance the plans you've made). Are you getting a vibe she even wants to go to lunch, or has she simply agreed out of obligation? Because if it's the latter you may be better off going out and enjoying yourself rather than forcing something which won't help her perspective on the situation anyway.

Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21