Originally Posted by SteveLW
WASs tend to be more like ships than zero-turn mowers.

Fantastic quote from SteveLW!

Originally Posted by wayfarer
R2C's advice of GALing but opening the invitation is such, such good advice. "If I was in your shoes, I would find something that would be light and fun with food and music. Someplace you could go by yourself or with her. Plan on going by yourself, but make room for her to join. Have a sitter ready." Sandi is a big proponent of that. It's in the DR book. And it worked for me. We were pretty trapped due to Covid last summer but I would go hiking and invite him or to our neighbor's for a drink around the fire. He refused often in the beginning but eventually started warming up and joining. After time he started inviting me to his plans, and then eventually wanted to make plans together. Much like when you start dating. Like the early, early days. Not yet committed, but not entirely single either. Not saying this is fool proof. None of this is. It's all 1/2 chance 1/2 choice here. However, if there's a door to be opened this is an excellent way to find out without pressure or being invasive. But that only rings true if you can do so with out expectation. You have to have a "the chips will fall where they may" attitude about all of this or you will end up hurt, frustrated and disappointed. WS/WAS do not work on an LBS time line. They work at a sloth like pace until they don't. It makes no sense but it is what it is. Expectations set you both up for failure

wayfarer - So glad it worked for you. Pretty slick.

Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Have you done your homework in attraction and seduction (there is a difference)? How much have you changed your behavior since the bomb drop? Are all the negative traits gone? Are the new attractive ones habit now? Is your SMV significantly higher? Are you a BBD than the "old you"? Will she be pleasantly surprised next time you are intimate? What about each time after that? Are you now an expert in listening and validation? Has there been enough time and space for the resentment to fade?
Thanks for posting this R2C. I will not be Ring with my STBXW, but I will use this as a template moving forward with any potential partner to assess that my growth on development is a continuing and lasting process. These are great questions to keep asking oneself, I think it would be easy to become complacent once the pain of BD is firmly in the rearview mirror.

As will I, OB! As will I.

Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by mako
Our 10 year anniversary is in 2 weeks. I havenít brought it up with her or made any plans, not sure what to do about it.
What have you decided for the Anniversary?

mako - Sounds like your 10yr anniversary is this coming set?

Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21