Thanks LH and CW. I am thinking something small. Like BL said, it's kind of a no-win situation where no matter what I do it could be spun as a negative, but that's on her not on me. So I will do something little to acknowledge the day because I want to, but will not plan on anything more. Living and acting with no expectations right now.
Originally Posted by BL42
Just re-read through your entire sitch. Wow, you really brought posters out of the wood-work to debate DB philosophies! I commented earlier in your thread, and it's been really helpful for me to read through it again. Lots of good advice.
I wasn't good in my sitch with the limbo, and it feels like your back in limbo. It's good, potentially, she called off the divorce (if I understand correctly you two completed mediation and were about to finalize things when she told you she wanted to try again? Also she was on dating apps (Bumble) and going out, and possibly deleted the apps and isn't pursuing anything outside your marriage at this time? These things to stop the bleeding, so to speak, but has she taken any action on pursuing any reconciliation and working to improve things? As others mention, her actions speak louder than words.
Yeah, I appreciated the back and forth from a lot of experienced DBers. A lot of good thoughts even though not everyone was in agreement.
You are right, we were basically done, the separation agreement was done, we were both going to have a final attorney review and then file. We had an appointment with a realtor to list the house, I had an appointment to look at new places to live...this was a last minute change. She is certainly not attempting to date right now but I am not really clear what her thoughts are about anything and there aren't really any actions I can see. So she said she is back in, but that's about it.
So yeah, I am in limbo, either until she decides what she wants to do or until I decide I'm tired of waiting. Limbo is good in some ways, bad in some ways. Like you said it stops the bleeding, stops the race toward D, and gives us some time to see if this is going to work. I am interested in this working out if all possible, there are a number of advantages to not divorcing that really have nothing to do with her personally. My family stays together, I don't have to split time with my kids, I don't have to move, I don't lose a huge percentage of my savings, I don't have $2000+ monthly child support for the next 14 years. And you know, I married her for a reason, I like her, we get along, I like spending time with her. At the same time limbo isn't really positive, it's just neutral and I don't want to stay here forever, so if she isn't going to take some steps to improve things then that tells me she isn't serious about this, and that causes me to like her less, and it simply isn't going to work.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021