Originally Posted by ScottyB
I called her, she accused me of being an unfeeling narcissist and she questioned my integrity in the relationship. She said I obviously didn't have the feelings I said I had or I wouldn't have just let go. I explained my perspective and said that I wasn't interested in being talked down to with contempt, that I was not interested in passive aggressive tactics and criticism and that I wanted someone that understood how to validate my feelings as opposed to playing devils advocate or telling me why I was wrong.

I think the antics from the previous week were actually a way for her to reposition things so that she would have the upper hand

I do need to continue to work on validation and at some point I’ll reread the book “The Art of Listenning”. I put the Brene Brown book in my amazon shopping cart to consider in the future.


Scotty, two signs this is not a good fit for you, the huge drama so soon (who needs that) and you ascribing sinister motives to her actions (low goodwill). I like that you mention looking into empathy again. I can almost guarantee she wasn’t thinking, “Hahaha! I will get the upper hand this way.” unless you were a terrible judge of character getting into this relationship. Whatever you decide, try to be curious about where others are coming from, and when they call you upset, try to practice validation and/or active listening to hear them out before explaining your perspective. Unless they’re abusive or you’re certain the relationship is a no-go. Then hang up. No need to explain anything then. My read is she’s higher drama than usual, but you may be inserting some drama into the situation yourself.