Ginger, the problem with that is that the WAS DOES have all the power. Shouldn't has nothing to do with it. The LBS, by definition, wants to save the MR. However, that's now solely up to the WAS. That's why 99.9% of LBSs come to DBing and this forum. If it was as easy as saying "are you in or are you out" and then Ring when they are and Ding when they aren't, then MWD would never have had to write DB and DR. One of the first rules of DB is to not start any R talks. There is a reason for that. It isn't because MWD came to that on a whim. It is because talk is cheap and the R talks almost never go the way the LBS thinks/hopes that it will. So when a WAS says "I want to work on the marriage" it actually is really simple to see if that is true or not: do their actions match those words?

Even if you have the R talk, and by some aligning of the stars it actually goes the way the LBS hopes and the WAS says again they want to work on the marriage....the proof is in the action that follows. That's all I've been saying to mako. If he is still wondering at this point if her illness time pronunciation that she was ready to work on the marriage was real, then it wasn't! And no amount of breaking DB principles, like starting an R talk, will change that.

And mako if you did follow that advice, and she crushes your grapes by saying, "no I still want a D", then what? I'm guessing at this point you still aren't ready to throw in the towel, are you? So it will gain you nothing.

Your sitch, your choice. But I'm afraid it won't go the way you want it to, and you'll be worse off for having had the discussion than if you didn't.

Last edited by SteveLW; 05/19/21 10:14 PM.

M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018