WAW willing to try, for now (#2)

[LH19]

Doing nothing is doing something. It's an active choice to live your life while you let the other person spin, alone. You can't be bombed twice if you don't care. Not saying much and watching things play out isn't a lack of consequences. Nor is it status quo. Yes it's limbo, but no it's not at the detriment of the LBS if they are working on themselves. Only the relationship is standing still, the LBS doesn't have to be.

Cookie cutter advice Detach, GAL 180.

My doing nothing involved me retaining a lawyer, having legal separation papers drawn up. Splitting our finances. Working out a post split budget. Window shopping for things I would need once H and his D left. Working on reconnecting with people, furthering my education, working out, lots of therapy to work on lots of things. I held out hope that H would wake up. I got lucky. He did, but I was preparing myself for things not to work out the way I wanted. Because that was the reality of the situation. It could've gone either way.

This is perfect advice for Mako! Start by getting a lawyer.

I don't think it's ever a good idea to try to shock a Wayward or Walkaway into anything. It's manipulative and highly unlikely that it will do anything if they already have a foot out the door.

Uuuuum not a shock since she told him she wants to work on the marriage. I think that has somehow got lost in this story.

Sandi while I adore her and she has gobs of wisdom isn't the end all be all of of WW. The concept that all Waywards or Walkaways are exactly the same, share all the same feelings, have the same thoughts, and will act or react identically is silly.

Uppercut from Wayfarer. Down goes Sandi lol.

Not all LBS are the same either, in crisis yes, but on the other side of crisis so much is so different for each of us.

Agreed. Mako has been through this before. He's got his big boy pants on. Wife are you in or are you out?

Other than the very basic DBing principles the choices and journey here need to be of the LBS's choosing.

100% the LBS has to live with their choices.

The purpose of the varying advice and opinions is because of those differences some advice will be useful some won't. One of Sandi's biggest rules is take what works for you leave what doesn't.

agree 100%

Lastly, You aren't beholden to your IC. And any IC who is pushing MC for a spouse who's on the fence isn't a very good IC.

How about when the WW says I want to work on the marriage?

Two people who aren't fully committed to the relationship with certainty will imploded in MC.

Agree 100%