Mako,
I'm the the Steve camp of this is your life and these are your decisions to make, so you do what you feels best but always be DBing. It's what's best for you, and it's what's best for the MR if there's a chance to R here. I'd really urge you to go read through my thread. 4 months my H was in an active affair then he was dumped pretty unceremoniously by OW. Days after he was dumped he was looking for physical affection. The true affection, the emotion, the remorse, the big feelings and big talks. All of that came later.

It's difficult to find on here, if I have some time and I try to find some of the the links somewhere. Steve posted some good ones on May's thread recently. The OG DBers like R2C's original group talked more about R and piecing because like he said there seemed to be more of it then. I have my own personal opinions on why but that's besides the point. What I read when I found that info was that reconciliation and piecing aren't truly one in the same. Reconciliation is the time period in which you the LBS gets to reintroduce the new you to the WS and the WS gets to reintroduce themselves to the LBS. You with your new found better man-ness and her with her new found remorse and change of heart. New eyes. New people. You start, starting over. Not more MR 1.0 dragged on with a coat of new paint. Like actual new people dating and getting to know each other again. Feeling out if this is going to work. In particular you feeling out if you want to keep going down this road or cut your losses. Assessing the things like is this a game? Is this her biding her time? Does it feel like she's genuinely trying or is she trying to decide what to do with you? Are you willing to wait this out long enough to find out? Do you have the wherewithal to not push her? Do you have the will to work on you and keeping working on you and not dropping everything and dumping it in to fixing the MR because like every one is saying what will fix it is DBing principles?

A 3 month turn around is rare but not unheard of. But like Steve said it's a drop in the bucket. In this part it's going to take her as long if not longer to decided what she really wants, to see you as a person of value and to show and say how remorseful she truly is, not about blowing up your lives but genuinely about hurting you like that (not any of this I didn't mean to hurt you stuff). If she's on that path it'll happen but it's going to happen on her timeline not yours. You will have to drop any expectation that you a) can control the path of any of this b) you can control her. Expectations must go out the door. This is why you have to focus on you. If you're focused on continuing to grow and move forward regardless of out come you aren't left the time or energy to control her journey here. I think a while back I wrote this on May's thread. Probably over a year ago now. While your journeys here are parallel they are not the same path. You'll each have different terrain to traverse, hills to climb, and storms to weather. You'll both be subjected to watching each other navigate, but you have no control over how fast or slow, or well or poorly she completes her journey. And if you want this to work, you let her do her work and you do yours. When it's time you'll walk the path together.

If you guys get through that individual journey. If you make it to true remorse and find yourself in a place where you are fine regardless of outcome you may have a real go at reconciliation that will make it to piecing. That's when you begin to put the work in together. That's the time you have control over the momentum and direction of the journey. Until you're at the bridge where R meets piecing your list of wants and needs in MR 2.0 is irrelevant. You have to actually see MR 2.0 on the horizon before you can start digging in. Know what you need to cross that bridge, but now isn't the time to hand her the list. Now's the time to just keep moving forward one step at a time.