One weird thing to me is that the consensus seems that I shouldn't say anything about wanting MC. I am supposed to hold her accountable if she doesn't do it.
Mako, that sounds passive-aggressive! I don't think that's the take-away.
Originally Posted by Steve
I am not advocating MC UNTIL she makes it clear that she is ready to work on the marriage through action.
A common DB maxim is that MC is pointless unless you're both saying "Yes!" to the relationship. I see you posting here, wondering about MC, doing IC, trying to figure out the right amount of physical contact. What is she doing to show you that a successful marriage to you is a priority in her life?
We worry you're in a fake recon--a long limbo followed by BD #2. A couple of options have been proposed--
1) Wait upto X time for her to commit so you're not in limbo forever. 2) Require commitment as a term of any reconciliation.
Some members have taken approaches in-between these. I'll bring up Discernment Therapy again. Some required their spouses to make progress on a commit/no-commit decision within a reasonable time. You don't need to make a decision quickly, it's great to take your time, just don't get stuck too long. (:
