mako, thanks for the update. All I can tell you is that to DB you have to have patience. Patience, patience, patience. And when you run out of patience, more patience!

This is why I am such an advocate of an end date. Set it out in the future. "On such and such date if she isn't recommitted fully back to the MR, I will go file." It gives you an end game, something to look forward to. Limbo is one of the worst things a human can go through! No one likes it, not even the WAS. But limbo is also, as Cadet says, the gift of time. So doing things that can help you remain patient can help...like setting a drop-dead date.

I am not a big fan of starting R talks, period. The reason I do not advocate R talks is because when forced to make a decision, a WAS will almost always default to their original announcement that they want a D. Even the ones that were having second thoughts or considering recommitting to the MR. Also, it is nearly impossible for a LBS to start an R talk without expectations. Expectation will kill you. "She has been being nice. We have been getting along. I think I can nudge things along by suggesting MC!" Uh, probably not. As you found with the physical affection, she just isn't there yet.

The next question we always get from LBSs is "When will I know?" The answer always is the same: You will have no doubt. It will be abundantly clear that she is ready to recommit to the marriage. In fact, we also had a saying around here that I haven't seen in a while: When she is ready to recommit to the MR you will know, when she isn't you will be confused. I see a confused Mako in this latest update. So that is your answer.

So my advice? Do not start an R talk. Set a drop-dead date where you will be able to move forward with your life, without her. Make it a date you can live with. If that is a year from BD, so be it. If it is 2, so be it. Whatever you are comfortable with. My only advice is to make it far enough that you can move forward and file for D without regrets, but not so far out that you do not get the benefit of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. For example, next week is probably too early. But waiting until D4 is 18 is too far! Be realistic.

In the meantime, just keep doing what you are doing. Once she is well again jump on the GAL like there is no tomorrow. Keep self-improving (including IC!!!). And continue to work on detachment.

Mako, you've got this!


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018