Originally Posted by Cadet
Try looking up Erik Eriksons stages of child development for what should happen in life.
When it doesn't happen you set the stage for a MLC/WAS situation later in life.

You can't run away from growing up but people try to.

Its not our job to try to FIX them he may get help and then again he may not.

All we can do is let go and watch what happens.
Of course a good use of our time during that period is to work on ourselves because that is something we can control.


I will definitely glance at that. H has come a long way now that we're on the other side of our sitch. If nothing else I can say working on myself and being very clear that I'd be fine with or without him had an impact on his desire to "catch up" in the emotional maturity realm.

R2C also asked what traits I do appreciate about H and I didn't take the time to address it earlier.

I appreciate how hard he works, period. He works hard to make money for our family. He works hard to maintain his training for his long distance running and biking. He works hard (now) to make sure I know he is remorseful and that I'm secure, loved and appreciated. He works hard to be a good dad to our girls even through his ex being exceptionally difficult and my daughter not being his. I've seen a lot of guys mentally check out or bow out completely over less. I appreciate when he makes decisions and plans without waiting on me to do it. Not because having to make decisions is hard for me as a woman therefore making me resentful, but because I'm a naturally decisive person. I know what I want and don't want all the time. When I'm confused or unsure I research so I can be intentional in my decisiveness. It's honestly a nice break for me to just go with the flow and not have 3 people in my home and however many at work waiting and relying on me for direction. I also appreciate how far he's come in understanding that his emotions are his emotions and mine are mine. The same goes for our girls. For example if I'm in a bad mood and I specifically say it isn't about him he let's it go. He now understands that I have never been nor ever will be the type of woman who doesn't tell the person they have a problem with that they have a problem with them. He now truly listens when I try to explain at certain times why he really shouldn't interject or escalate with our teenage girls and that he's just gotta let things go sometimes for a plethora of reasons (anyone with teenage girls I'm sure understands that). I love his sense of humor. I love that he let's me be me, that he's never once tried to change me or control me. He's done some pretty awful stuff but he's never done that. My first H did that constantly and would set me up for failure because he was always moving the goal post on me. I could never be what that guy wanted because he had no idea what it was that he really wanted, and what ever it was it wasn't me. I appreciate that my H is supportive and doesn't let his ego get in the way of my accomplishments. I appreciate that he encourages and loves that I have my own friends and my own life. I appreciate that he truly understands that his individual life is something he can only take back in baby steps so I stay comfortable given our circumstances, and does so without question or resentment. I appreciate that I come home to my best friend, and he's just as excited to see me everyday when we both get home. I appreciate that I'm appreciated for who I am, for what I do for us, even the flaws and fumbles.