I'll be honest, I don't feel like I know much about attracting women or recognizing when they find me attractive. In many ways I am socially clueless/oblivious.
Looks like a good place for some personal growth. There is an awareness that I have now that I did not have before the end of my marriage.
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Also in the past 20 years I was with my W for more than 12 and my first W for more than 5, and I just didn't try with anyone else while with them.
Of course. You put boundaries up to protect the marriage. We all do. I had to rewire my brain after divorce.
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It isn't a skill I have developed very much. Sure, I should have been honing that skill the whole time, at the very least with my Ws, but well, not much I can do about that now...
The hard part now is gaining experience and honing your skills. Really hard to do after the bomb drop with a spouse that is not working on the marriage. Maintaining but shifting your boundaries is needed.
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I will say that both were very much attracted to me at various times during the relationships so I must have done something right and had it in me somewhere, as well as the ability to recognize it, so I will just need to figure that out. But probably for the most part that means working more towards the integrated male, anti-Mr. Nice Guy type, as I certainly see some NGS in myself.
Reflecting back and determining the attractive traits and dropping the unattractive traits is a good start. You can then start adding new behaviors that are attractive to women in general.
