Goodness, my Ex has just stated her plan to tell my daughter about the divorce, the day before d's bday. She can't understand why this is not ok. Broken person actively albeit maybe subconsciously trying to make another broken person.
I'm going to push hard against this, possibly breaking the shakey peace we have right now but its worth it. Imagine your parents telling you about divorce then celebrating your bday 12 hours later. WTF. My Ex is sick.
I agree probably better to tell her after her bday. But don't delude yourself that anytime is a good time. Even if you pick the perfect day of the year, equal distance from her bday, Christmas, and every other holiday, she's still going to be shattered. Pick a day you both can be there, tell her only that the marriage is ending, that you both love her, and it isn't in any way her fault. Proactive is better than reactive. Most LBSs try to put it off as long as possible in the false hope you never will have to. The result is that the kids usually ascertain that it is happening before they are told. Which is never good.
M(52), W(53),D(17) M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018