I want to reply to you better and update soon. Its been a challenge because I cant use a computer for this at work (nurse life) and now on my days off, my kids are home and on the computers! So mostly Im trying to post from this little phone. Annoying.

JoeJoe, I am so happy to read your updates! Please keep coming back and update here or on your thread. It gives people so much hope to read about success stories. Its also important for Newcomers to see how long the process takes and that time/patience are everything.

May, I cant even begin to express clearly how much your words mean to me. You and your story are one of the main reasons I keep coming back and checking frequently. Im so happy to read that you are turning these corners. I also want you to know how much I learn from you. I have often been stubborn in my belief that my H was wrong and that perhaps I am justified in my own hurt/anger. And while that might be true, I can see more clearly as the years go by it has also been a hinderance in our intimacy. Your approach to your sitch which has been far more patient and understanding is something that I have tried to learn from and adopt. So thank you.

And on that note Ill add that we had a talk about the past recently. It has been so long that we talked about what happened. Ill revisit this when I have a proper keyboard (eye roll) but I will say, this is the first conversation we have had about his affair and our separation where I didnt feel emotionally triggered. Its taken 6-7 years, but for me that is progress! I dont think there is much to be gained by dwelling in the past, but by having rational and nonemotional conversations, I can see how much easier it is to be open, honest and forthcoming about details. I can also see how over the years his own perspective of himself and his A is shifting. It helps me to understand him better and accept what a mistake if all was.


Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon. Nelson Mandela