I'm with dunnm here. I would probably not only not wee on her, but I 'might' throw a little diesel on it ; )
It all comes down to where you are in the process, timing, if they were the OW/OM and so many things.
You feel how you feel about a person. Feelings change over time. And feelings follow what we think. We think therefore we are and all that jazz.
Yes, hatred can eat one up holding on to it, but it's an honest emotion towards a person who contributed to the death of a M.
I think forcing an emotion can be worse than accepting what you feel and working through it.
Ginger is a great example of working through those emotions - what a nightmare - and where you want to end up. Being able to look at the bigger picture and what's important. The peace and emotional stability we give to our kids.
Yes, forgiveness is freedom and hate takes energy but it's all a process. It can't be forced or coerced because you want it. There are plenty of DBers here who have proven that it's an obtainable goal - and worth the work.