AFTER BD X bought me goats for my birthday. X wanted my input on plans for the new barn. I helped. X came over with fruit trees and asked where I wanted them planted. I told him. X sent me flowers for bday, valentine's day and anniversary. X constantly talked about what "we" were going to do with this calf, or that cow etc. etc.
I don't know if it was 'future faking', his break in reality, or what, but it drove me nucking futs!!
That reminds me of Xmas - she kept saying things like "boy I spoiled you" and "what did you do to deserve all this" and all I kept thinking was "your own guilt."
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Also - don't minimize your feelings. It's can be confusing and crazy-making if you allow it. Great that you know it "doesn't mean anything" - it means something, but the only one who knows what it means is your W - and she might not even know!!
That's been a struggle because I'm still learning how to deal with my feelings in a healthy way and not dwell on them vs. minimizing them by stuffing them away and fooling myself that I've dealt with them. The latter ones come back and bite me on the ass as a reminder. At this point I have a very cynical outlook on everything she says and does. We had an Amazon package delivered the other day and one of the things in it was the book "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love" which is supposed to "offer a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love." In the past I would see that as a sign she's trying to work on us, now I assume it's to help her on her dating quest and I move on.
