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What would be a reasonable amount of time to see change 6 months/12 months?


It's hard to put a date on another person's sitch. I think it would depend on how long you are willing to tolerate it. And, BTW, some LBS's seem to see this as "standing for the M" and they think is shows how strong they are. People have differences of opinion about this subject. I always say that the LBS (especially the LBH) needs to conduct themselves in such a way that it draws respect from the WS. The problem I see in a lot of LBH's is how they think this means he should show what a good H is, and he puts on the maids uniform. No, she's not going to respect him if he's coming from that point. In fact, the WW is more likely to lose even more respect for him, b/c she sees his behavior as tolerating her waywardness. It's difficult for the H to realize she's not the girl he married and she's not going to see how lucky she is to have such a nice guy who sticks around in spite of how she treats him. I promise you, she doesn't appreciate your sacrifices or tolerance while she's wayward. So, if you want to wait around in hopes she'll change her wayward mindset.......(and I think this is the initial mindset of most LBS's).........then that's up to you. I'm not telling you to file for a D or to stay where you are. I'm just trying to explain the viewpoint of the WW.

Stubborn pride is horrible! It has worked like a cancer in your MR. She wants to punish you......pay you back, hold your affair over your head, etc. She doesn't believe you deserve forgiveness! It's not about deserving. Apparently she doesn't get that part. She's hurting both of you, but her anger has taken over and if she doesn't find the willingness to let go of the past.....then she's not going to grow or have a change of heart. It takes hard work from the WS to overcome their wayward mindset, and it won't happen as long as stubborn pride prevails.

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I just do not believe she will do the work that is required. For example one of my conditions if she did want to reconcile would be for both of us to forgive and put the past behind us, I know I can, but I just don't think she wants/can do this.


Right.......but you can't make her really forgive you. I doubt making it a two way street (both of you forgiving each other) will do much to bring her to forgive, but the MR won't be successful if either one holds on the unforgiveness. You can see the results of unforgiveness, as well as forgiveness, however it comes from the individual's free will. You have to decide how you will choose to respond.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!