I use this message board to explore my thoughts and feelings to a degree. I continue to reflect on the marriage and I think my values are playing into this significantly. Family has always been my number one value and I've framed that around a long term marriage. No other value was even close to that of Family for me and the frame that I defined that through.
I don't miss my wife most of the time. Its not about her. The anxiety is about the unknown. The sadness is about a lifelong dream that has been lost. I'm mourning that dream and its hard to let go of.
Its about the dream, not about my wife. She just happens to be in the dream and the subject of it.
Originally Posted by LH19
It's hard to accept that what you viewed as the dream your W viewed as a nightmare. You are starting to see things clearly Scotty B. It was never about your W, she's just a mythical character in your dream. Time to change what your dream life looks like. Hopefully it includes laughter, joy and people who want to be apart of your new amazing life.
Originally Posted by DonH
It’s much easier for those of us with BD and D at or near double digit years in the rear view mirror to look at it this way. But we only got here by first facing and then grieving what we lost. It’s normal to feel like you do Scott. You thought you had your dream life. It’s crushing to learn otherwise and takes time to get through. In some ways it will effect you for the rest of your life. I know it has me. That’s not bad, there is positive effect too. It changes who we are - again, sometimes for the good. But it does all get better as evidence by how LH and I can look back at and talk about it all so matter of fact and casually as we do now.
Last edited by Ready2Change; 01/20/2106:57 PM.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
