BD makes us think we aren't going to be ok without them, but the truth is we MUST be ok without them or we aren't suited to have a healthy R.
I completely agree. I'm going on 6 months since BD and while I'm nowhere near where LH19 wants me to be (lol) I'm already much stronger and more OK with myself that I was. There's still a ways to go but the overwhelming sense of dread when thinking about the future is now tempered with some excitement and hope. and that's good.
One of the things that helped me was in comparing it to the death of a spouse. In both cases (spouse leaving us or death of a spouse) we don't get a choice in what happened. In both cases, obviously, our preference would be that it didn't happen. But the problem is that in the spouse leaving, we think we have some power to stop it. We don't. Where with a the death of a spouse we realize there is no going back and that we have to move forward and be okay alone. However, if we can understand that there really isn't a difference, then we realize our only choice is to move forward, learn to be ok by ourselves, and do the work necessary to get there.
Last edited by Steve85; 01/19/2103:26 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
