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first of all, you are doing a whole lot of mind reading. Secondly, you did not understand the message your W was trying to convey. Her telling you that she does not know if she wants a D or a separation in a clear statement on her part she wants you out of her life. You were just not hearing her. In your mind you probably heard her say that there is a chance. Believe me, there was none.
However you are correct in asuming she wants you to pull the trigger. She deffo does not want to appear as the bad guy and she deffo wants to shift the blame onto you.
I am not here to chastize you. You are doing well, very well. In order to internalize the lessons an individual sometimes has to go against the advice of others and experience the lesson by himself. Nothing wrong with that. We, the vets, try to share our experiences to try to spare the LBS of making the same mistakes (experiences) we made, thus shortening the learning curve.
We here on these boards, we are all in your corner, rooting for you.