Yesterday was a rollercoaster of a day. Started out fine, felt good, rib was feeling better, and was in a good place. I even went on a hike with a buddy to get outside. I then met her at the studio since we were switching out and everything was normal between us and then she left to back to the house and I was alone. And then the thoughts, emotions, feelings, etc. that I had been holding in while being home in front of the kids or while working just started bubbling up. The realization of how silly this all is, how much pain there is, all of it just started coming out. It was a good hour of losing my sh!t and letting it all out, and afterwards I did feel much better. More centered and more of the wanting to continue to take back control over my life. I settled in to read a book and a few hours later get a text asking if I can come back home. Long story short, her mom (in another state) is sending her messages about how she doesn't want to live anymore, that my wife doesn't care about her, nobody does, blah, blah, blah. So I go back, spend the night with her (no sex) and hold her. We talk about things, she thanks me 100x for being there for her and apologizes for the whole mess. So now I'm back at the house, she will probably drive down and be there if an intervention is needed, and I'll be with the boys. I know this reeks of "Nice Guy" and trying to ride in and save the day, but I knew if I didn't she'd be a wreck and the kids would be the ones to take the brunt of it. She wouldn't be able to be there for them. I am also doing my best to be mindful of this situation, and how tired I am of dealing with her family's bullsh!t, and that has put me more in a mindset of "I don't want this anymore" than "I hope she sees how great I am and we get back together." But of course, it's easy to fall back into old, comfortable ways. So we'll see where this all goes.
