4. Reconciling my idea of love. ( previously : unconditional, selfless, all in.) (now: conditional, balanced, trust). This is somewhat saddening as I do believe the love I had for my wife was something I will never be able to give again. Which is probably a good thing.
5. Mourning and letting go of the dreams and future that went away with my marriage. ( Again see #2. I don't miss what was there, I miss what I thought our relationship and marriage were.)
That's an important distinction--you're mourning fantasies--unconditional love for a non-child, and a future you wanted that didn't align with your partner's goals. Reconciling doesn't bring these back.