This is definitely where I have struggled - especially when it is obvious it is intentional. I need to find that happy medium where I actually am detached and don't need to think about if/when I should respond. Right now it feels more manipulative because I am not there yet.
This stuff is not easy! Don't expect to be a DB'ing master right away, it takes time. You'll get the hang of it.
As long as she's on dating sites I can't open myself up like she says she wants me to.
I forgot to clarify earlier when I was talking about listening and validating, I did not mean to do what she says. It's all about letting her know that you acknowledge her feelings and that you consider them valid. But certainly as Mach1 has stated, opening up to her and being vulnerable is NOT on the table. So she says she wants you to be vulnerable, you listen, you empathize, then you set it aside. I mean to be honest she's just blowing smoke up your skirt. This is just another WAS excuse for not wanting to get back together. "We'll never be able to fix this because you don't do A, B, C and D". It's WAS script, moving targets. You do A, B, C and D and then suddenly it's E, F, G and H that are deal-killers for her.
She's getting her cake and eating it too while I'm over here eating sh!t sandwiches.
Yup. If I had a dollar for every poop sandwich I consumed thanks to my XW I'd be wealthy indeed I think most here can say the same!