I had a call with my DB coach and he had a couple of things to point out - more life stuff than saving the marriage stuff, but I think the marriage is a good way to learn about life.
He said if I was generous, that's fine, and If I don't want to be fine, but don't be generous and then complain about it - that's not fine. I thought that was good feedback.
He said I need to forgive regularly and not to carry bitterness and resentment into MY days - because resentment only punishes me.
On our call I mentioned that I didn't give a carp about what she thought in regards to taking the kids on trips. He said that in regards to that the pendulum was swinging too far in the wrong direction. He said the perspective I need to have is to think "I care what you think, but I am going to do what I think is right." The key being not to surrender my agency.
He said that if I let bitterness and resentment take hold that will impact me and my future relationships.
He seemed to think I was doing a good job and mentioned that if there was ever a reconciliation, it wouldn't be reconciling the old relationship. He said it would be reconciling who I am becoming with who she is becoming.
He mentioned that in marriages sometime we sacrifice for love, but sometimes we sacrifice too much and that's what I had done. So I need to learn that lesson for the future.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
