I feel like I have a hard time distinguishing when to respond and keep lines of communication open vs. just not responding at all. Of course my past default was to respond to everything and I went from that to the opposite side (for me) of not responding or at least not right away.
The rule of thumb we give is sometimes respond right away, sometimes wait an hour or so, and sometimes (if it's nothing important) don't reply at all. The idea isn't to seem cold and indifferent, but rather, you are just busy living life. Make her wonder what you're up to, not why you are being rude. Make sense? Of course it's different if you're still under the same roof because she probably knows where you are most of the time. So if you're at work she probably knows your phone is right there and that if you don't reply then it's intentional. The rule works better if separated.
Quote
I am not thinking of it as an ultimatum or to manipulate her.
It doesn't matter, what matters is her perception of it, and that is likely how she will perceive it.
Quote
The reason I need this is for myself. Playing house, having family dinners, still acting as if things were normal, etc. is just setting me up for more hurt. It also makes me feel disrespected when I know what she's doing in her free time. She's wanting the comfort I provide to make it easy for her to get what she wants elsewhere and I am done with that. I am 100% sure she won't give up the dating sites, or even if she did I wouldn't trust it, so I need to move from this current soft separation to one where I can fully detach without getting random texts, requests to fix something, nights spent in bed cuddling, etc. that just serve to make it hurt more when I think about the dating sites.
I do understand that, and if you decide you need to separate then by all means do so. I'm a firm believer that separation is a better path to reconciliation then trying to exist under the same roof. The resentment just continues to grow and grow while you continue living together. I mean Steve did it but it's pretty uncommon. But if you have any doubts at all, then wait. Separating now versus 6 months from now really doesn't make a lot of difference in the grand scheme of things.
