And it occurs to me that you are merely taking the steps laid out before you here, without really understanding fully the "whys" of what you are doing, or being asked to do.
And that is totally normal for the stage that you are in...
When I say that this is a "process" , I mean that you may not understand why LH wants you to do this, or Steve asks you to do that.
When I asked you the questions above, your answer last week will NOT be the same answer that you might give a few months from now.
My answers might not be the same from day-to-day or hour-to-hour. Which is why I have such a hard time trusting my thoughts and feelings. They are too volatile. I am slowly getting the "whys" though. I need to stop thinking of these actions as ways to "get her back" and instead as a way to improve my life, which may or may not end up with getting her back at some point down the road.
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Rarely in these situations, does an ultimatum work. Typically it will "push" the WAS out the door faster.
So my question then is how do I let her know that some of the things we previously agreed to (family dinners) are no longer on the table if she's on dating sites?
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If I just explain a little harder, or one more apology, or if I just wash the dishes tonight, of take out the trash one more time.....then things will turn around for us...
I have no desire to apologize. Quite the opposite actually. And when it comes to doing things around the house it is more along the lines of doing less. I wasn't the typical absent husband when it came to housework. I do all the cooking, because I like to cook and also the kids get scared when she tries to cook. I was probably overly involved looking back which is why I started resenting her for not seeing what I was doing. All the usual "nice guy" things. Now I am trying to be aware of what I am doing and why. If it is something that I would want to do anyway like cook, get the coffee ready for the morning, etc. then I still do it. If it something I would've done in the past as a way to show her "look what I did for you!!!" then I don't do it.
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Nobody else gets to participate in the rebuilding of YOU....
No of that should be done for "her" , or the "marriage"....that is for you....
So, take some time, work on you...
Get lost in yourself.
I am (slowly) getting there.
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What is YOUR plan for the holidays ????
I will be at the house with the family from the 24th-26th. My 10 year old is having a hard time with things right now and wanted me to stay at the house all week because it is Christmas week and wants us to be together. That was tough. He's asking if we're getting divorced, why I'm not there, and what's going to happen. So my goal is to be there for my kids and be 100% present with them. I will be kind and respectful to my W with my head high. I want to enjoy things myself as well and maybe live in a dream world for a few days but keeping the reality of the situation in the back of my mind.
