First I wanted to say that I've found the best posts on here are the ones that trigger my defensiveness. Thank you for nudging me out of my comfort zone.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Why is it her choice? Salty, you have more control over this than you think you do. The problem is that you aren't detached and you are thinking like a a weak, overly attached beta male. "Please get off the dating sites and work on us! PLEASE!"

You do not get to choose if she is on dating sites. You do get to choose whether or not you are a soft separation or a full one. Likely you like this soft one because you are too afraid to move to full separation. So what you have done so far is taught her that it is okay for her to be on dating sites and STILL demand you be vulnerable. -puke-

So rather than give her a choice, the right move here is to move on to full separation. You do not discuss this (remember, action not words). You simply decide what full separation looks like and move to that. ACTION.

I agree with your overall sentiment and it makes me want to puke when I think of the situation we are currently in. I agree with you and the others that it shouldn't be presented as a choice for her and instead should instead be me telling her what I am going to do. The reason I want to discuss it vs. just doing it is back when we first talked about all this and laid out what it was going to look like we agreed to things like still having family dinners on Sundays, still doing things as a family (Xmas, New Years, etc.) and now that agreement needs to be changed/dissolved and understood that things will be different moving forward.

Last edited by SaltyDog; 12/23/20 05:02 PM.