So the last two weeks have been hell. My 7 year old boy has been acting out badly with OM. He has mentioned some things to my W that she had thought he heard from me and became infurated. He had also mentioned some things to me that she allegedly said. The poor kid wanted us to fight so we "talk" it made us fight and yeah pushed us apart.
WW pretty much said that the damage of us fighting had did it for her. By fighting she means accusing me and threatening to take my kids for me "brainwashing" them to dislike OM and his kids and be mad at her for leaving. My 6 year old is fine btw, but my 7 year old son has been pretty pissed. I constantly encourage him to behave and not punish WW for leaving. Even on facetime with WW there. I have tried to be supportive as much as I can. She blames me for crying in front of them a couple times, for saying I dislike OM when my son asked if he was still my friend. ETC, she essentially used this an excuse to tell my little boy "stop acting up, Im never going back to your dad".
I took that really hard. Really hard. I had been really good, understanding,attentive, supportive etc, for the first 2+ months and all of it crashed down when the son started really acting out. Her affectionate texts and so on stopped and finally after some discussion regarding our son's behavior and therapy options we are at best neutral. (on her end she is upset at me).
WW applauded me for my weight loss and not drinking booze. But said I am too emotionally unstable right now, she said she tried to break it off with OM a few times and create fights but then I would pull something and she would apologize to him and just stay. (doubt much of that is true). At this point she pretty much said "look dude, go be happy, if stuff doesnt work out with me and OM i know we will always come together we have a bond and kids, but dont wait on me, go experience life and so on, she said she cares for me deeply, knows its hard and hates hurting me, but she has to ride this one out with him since he is a close family friend and got in too deep too fast to just leave"
Again probably half-truths.
At this point I have decided that I am half mad at myself for trying so hard to look great and be super loving understanding man and half dissapointed i didnt just drop the rope way sooner. I have really began to understand there is not a damn thing I can do so I took a few steps.
Brought things back to Neutral with WW, Deactivated my facebook. refuse to discuss and R questions with children. Ask them daily to be good to mom and tell them I love them. Talk to therapist and friends at work who support me. kept only snapchat where i can showcase things I do with my kids on my own terms (I do not look at WW snaps)
She since that talk sent me pics of the kids at her place doing Xmas stuff to which ive waited and then just replied with a thumbs up. She sent me a meme of star wars I did not respond to. Ive put a photo or two of a new look for me on Snap and shes looked at them, she sent me a message "looking good" I told her "so are you, really proud of your work!" and she said "thanks"
Thats it. Ive taken the emotion out. I cant actually put any in anymore, I am too dissapointed in what she has caused me and my kids and family to suffer because of her selfishness. I will be pleasant, a good father and ask my kids to behave well. But telling her I love her or miss her now makes me want to punch myself. Whenever I feel like saying anything like that I think of her with OM.
its been the first couple days since OM drop I actually stopped being emotional, using excuses for kids or anything else to express feelings. F yea I am suffering but im doing it quietly. It will take time but I will adjust. I will not backslide, and I feel pretty confident in that because she stopped the lying game of "im not sure" which did help.
I don't think my WW wife will come back, (part of me hopes she does, but knows I cannot do anything about it anymore). I know one day Ill be okay with that. But its okay for me to hurt as long as I do it quietly and not around my kids. I shove it down and save it for my therapist. Whatever happens will happen, god has a plan for me. I just struggle with beating myself up for not DB'ing perfectly thinking that I did too much damage, But I tell myself she was the one that did the damage and If I never even tried to come here and read this stuff i probably would have done wayyy worse, (contacting OM, begging family to intervene, begging, buying gifts, grand gestures, fortunately I didnt do that stuff at least lol). I try to remind myself that this was her choice and leading me along was also her choice, I can only control my response to it and do better. I stopped trying to save my M, i know I will get divorced, she has always had that intention since filing. No point in fighting for someone who is happy destroying thier H and Kids and Family.
Last edited by Steve_; 12/19/2009:35 PM.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.