The big reason I want to detach right now is to protect myself from more pain. As long as I am getting a jolt of anxiety every time my phone goes off, or wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep because all the thoughts come pouring in, or getting gutted when the next bomb gets dropped, I feel like I can't be free. As long as some part of me is still including her in my decision making in any way - what will she think, what effect will it have on her - the I can't be free. And it seems like until I truly detach, those things will keep happening.
Focus on the bolded print ^^^^
Making YOUR choices and decisions will help you get there...
Focusing on YOUR decisions will help you detach.
Double edge sword there....
Chin up buddy, it will come in time....
Originally Posted by SDawg
This has been challenging for me because I've gone from blaming her for everything and being resentful to focusing on myself and how my actions contributed. From there, it is easy to start feeling guilty and upset with yourself because hindsight is 20/20. I'm trying to work on this and cut out the negative self-talk and all that stuff, but those parts are hard to set free.
When you laser focus on yourself, and your actions...
Be totally honest with yourself about what is real, and what isn't..
Own your crap, and let the rest go...
You can only address what is yours...
Originally Posted by SDawg
Yup, it is. And the day of the week should be irrelevant, and when it comes to core values it is, but when it comes to emotions and how I feel and what I want to do and if I'm angry/sad/jealous/hopeful or something else - that rollercoaster won't stop. I try to be mindful, to note things, to try and put space between me and them, and sometimes it helps but most of the time I'm thinking "Yeah, I'm mindful of how sh!tty I'm feeling right now!!!"
Then focus on you, and your core values...
What are they ?
Am I showing them, or hiding behind them ?
Dawg, this is a process...
It takes time...
Remember that nothing you did, was done intentionally to hurt anyone (I would hope)...
Learn from your mistakes, then dust off and get back on that horse...
