I think the first step is to ask yourself WHY you want to detach ?
Is it because of guilt ?
Anger??
Obligation ????
Whoa...that's a big one there....
Detachment isn't linear either. You don't just decide one day to "be" detached. It's a series of decisions, thoughts, and constant actions to propel YOU to where YOU want to be...
You don't just wake one morning and say....I am detached, and it's done....
Detaching is more of a 'way of life', rather than a decision...
Why you detach, is more important than IF you detach...
The big reason I want to detach right now is to protect myself from more pain. As long as I am getting a jolt of anxiety every time my phone goes off, or wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep because all the thoughts come pouring in, or getting gutted when the next bomb gets dropped, I feel like I can't be free. As long as some part of me is still including her in my decision making in any way - what will she think, what effect will it have on her - the I can't be free. And it seems like until I truly detach, those things will keep happening.
Originally Posted by Mach1
How would you define the difference between Love and Obligation ???
Where do YOU fit within that ???
How about you ???
Are you feeling any forgiveness or compassion towards yourself ???
Think about how focusing YOUR healing, into your situation, can affect a clear and realistic view of who you are...
This has been challenging for me because I've gone from blaming her for everything and being resentful to focusing on myself and how my actions contributed. From there, it is easy to start feeling guilty and upset with yourself because hindsight is 20/20. I'm trying to work on this and cut out the negative self-talk and all that stuff, but those parts are hard to set free.
Originally Posted by Mach1
You do realize that YOU...and YOU ALONE....
Is the only person that gets to define YOU...
Soooooo...
What day of the week should be irrelevant...
Who you want to be,.....
What kind of a person do YOU want to show to the world each and every morning....???
What kind of person do you want your children to remember when they think of you ???
What qualities do you want to pass down to them ???
It really is all about you now Dawg.....
Yup, it is. And the day of the week should be irrelevant, and when it comes to core values it is, but when it comes to emotions and how I feel and what I want to do and if I'm angry/sad/jealous/hopeful or something else - that rollercoaster won't stop. I try to be mindful, to note things, to try and put space between me and them, and sometimes it helps but most of the time I'm thinking "Yeah, I'm mindful of how sh!tty I'm feeling right now!!!"
