That he is so sorry that he hurt me, that he lied, that he betrayed me. [He is NOT saying he is sorry it happened.] That he's getting over her, he doesn't think he's "in love" with her anymore. But he isn't saying it was all a horrible mistake, he never really loved her, all the fantasy reconciliation apology words.
He apologized for hurting you and his lying and betrayal. How is that different from "saying sorry that it happened?" Sorry, I'm not really understanding this part. He didn't say all those things (it was a mistake, he never loved her), but are those the things what you want him to say? What if he never sees the A as a mistake because he actually fell in love with her, but at the same time he feels remorse for the hurt that he's caused you?
Also reading about your anger, it reminds me of what my S11 told me the other day - "When a teacher yells at me at school, I just turn stone-faced." What he meant was that he would do nothing and say nothing. he would have zero facial expression. This is my son's defense mechanism when he's in a hostile situation. Which I think works sometimes (you do not add fuel to the fire), but other times it can be unhealthy. There is a lack of communication. So when you say "I don't care" to your H, it definitely translates to way worse than "I don't care about the dirty spoon".
How will you ever know whether he is over A or not? even if he states so, will you believe him 100%? Sometimes it takes blind faith.
I also like what Yail said.
Thinking of you and I can't believe you live where you live!! Wish I could visit you one day!
