This is good. The only correction is that maybe the last part is a little passive-aggressive. Since she already called out assuming they are staying at Scott's place, I think he need to deal with that head on. Give the reasons you think it is better, let her try to counter, but ignoring it and continuing to "assume" that is settled might not go over well. And it isn't that you care that it upsets her, it is just that you are trying to broker a compromise here, defuse things, just so it is easier for you Scott! Her emotions are hers and you have no control over them.
Doing this for 10 years, I learned one topic per email thread worked best. Most of the time I would initiate them, otherwise mother would bring up 12 topics to discuss. In this case, she started multiple topics in one thread. kill off the important ones and/or the easier ones first.
This leaves the logistics of the two of you spending time together which is the most contentious part of this.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712