We need to talk about Christmas at some point. I didn't book a flight cuz of the COVID exposure and I really don't think it's the best decision right now. I don't want them to have to quarantine again and they are still advising not getting together with extended family. I plan to ask the kids about it this weekend. If we don't go, I would like to use my week with the kids at some point to go visit my parents when COVID is under control whether that is spring break or this summer. With that being said, the plan was to try and spend Christmas eve and Christmas Day together, the four of us correct? We need to discuss what that looks like. Gifts - I have bought some stuff and was thinking we were giving gifts together this year so I will create a spreadsheet of what I have bought and we can discuss. Are you planning on getting gifts just from you? I think we should be consistent on this.
I know you already responded. This is how I would have responded:
H:"I believe it is important for our kids to see your parents, so yes I have no problem with them going at a later date. I have bought some gifts as well. If you really think we should do this together, I am fine with the gifts being from both of us this year. How long do you think we should plan being together?"
STBXW Response back: I talked to the kids about going to my parents. Son didn't give me much and said he didn't care if we went or not. Daughter, without me giving my opinion, said she didn't think we should go because she doesn't want to expose Grampy and she doesn't want to quarantine again. This is obviously a very difficult decision for me. If it wasn't for COVID, we would be going. You didn't respond if I could move my week with my parents to spring break or this summer. If I don't use my week at Xmas, do I lose it? Also, the kids mentioned you are planning some snowboarding trips. I guess I am confused because I thought we were taking COVID pretty seriously and maybe we need to talk about what that looks like. If you are going to be traveling with the kids it makes it hard for me to do the "right" thing by not traveling to my parents for Xmas.
As for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day...why is it assumed it is at your house? Are you thinking Christmas eve Mass, dinner, Christmas morning open presents and breakfast? Then what? I looked up Mass times Christmas Eve: 3 pm and 5:30 pm.
I would like to be able to wrap the presents. Can I come over when you aren't there and just wrap them in the basement? Or can you put them in the garage and I will come get them and bring them back here to wrap? Yes, the Santa paper is there.
H:"I believe it is important for our kids to see your parents, so yes I have no problem with them going at a later date. I will put the requested items in the garage when I get home. Lets attend the 5:30PM mass. Would you prefer to stay here or come over early in the morning?"
See how I answer the most important question first and the way I stated it. I am assuming the kids are sleeping at your house. If that is wrong, there may be a better way to address where the event is happening.
This is good. The only correction is that maybe the last part is a little passive-aggressive. Since she already called out assuming they are staying at Scott's place, I think he need to deal with that head on. Give the reasons you think it is better, let her try to counter, but ignoring it and continuing to "assume" that is settled might not go over well. And it isn't that you care that it upsets her, it is just that you are trying to broker a compromise here, defuse things, just so it is easier for you Scott! Her emotions are hers and you have no control over them.
M(52), W(53),D(17) M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018