wayfarer just a follow-up. Where do you see him trying?
As an outside observer what this looks like to me is that after this PA, he is trying to go back to MR 1.0. May is wanting MR 2.0. I like your point about her not being explicit. I am guessing that May is afraid to be explicit because it may break this fragile armistice that exists between them. May wants more than what they have. Her H wants things to go back to "normal". If her H doesn't get what he wants, he will use the threat of the OW and/or D, to try to get May to be more the way he wants her to be.
I feel like May is afraid of D, and while dissatisfied with the state of things, would take that over her H cheating and potentially leaving. If she pushes him to give more, then she is afraid he will raise the specter of D again or be pushed back into the arms of the OW.
I have a theory that a lot of times the WAS will use D as a threat to get their LBS to back away. I know I think my W used it during her WW period, and I now doubt if she ever really considered following through. When I confronted her about her EA, she got me to back off by saying "I don't want to be married anymore." This is why I try to get LBSs to drop their fear of D, because that fear can be leveraged by the WAS/WS.
May, at this point what are you more afraid of? D or remaining in your current state forever?
Actually Steve I see this situation being a lot like yours. Your W was not remorseful when you caught her the second time. I am pretty sure at that point if you required anything from her or acted like a dick she would have divorced you. You played the long game and ate a lot of $hit sandwiches because you didn't want a divorce and it worked out for you.
My point being is if I am May's husband and she's pursued me for two years trying to get me to end my affair and I end it and think I am trying and she continues to blow up at me I am eventually going to give up. More of the same behavior that I ran from in the first place.
I know it sounds crazy but if I had a two year affair I really had to be angry at her or I am a sociopath.
I will say it again, with out remorse it is very hard to reconcile. Sometimes it takes years for remorse.
M:51 W:46 T:22 M:16 S:15 D:11
“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith