Originally Posted by LH19
So May Im going to challenge you to just live the next 20 days enjoying your children and the holidays and try to block everything else out. Stay in the moment for 20 days focusing on the present.

Challenge accepted smile I'm getting there. The majority of my time, I'm there... A day and a half of sadness in the past week is waaaaaay better than where I was a month or two ago. I'm not sure I can legit hit being in the moment for 100% of the next 20 days, but I'll shoot for an improvement.

Question, though-- I've been consciously letting myself be okay with the feelings as they come, not pushing them away (which was kind of my MO that allowed me to get through a lot of the last year and a half). Are you saying I should take 20 days to put those feelings aside and just not think about them? Or do my best to focus on all the positives in the moment, but if the feelings come, it's okay to feel them for a bit?

Originally Posted by LH19
Also I can see whats happening and its actually pretty predictable. You have been growing, learning everything about relationships and your husband is standing still. You are looking for some simple validation and hes not able to provide it. You are more then likely not going to be able to go backwards unless you sacrifice your needs.

yeah. Not going to worry about what the future does or does not hold, right now, though (Right???) he will or he won't move forward. The choice to leave is always in my hands. I'm not taking it, now. We will see. FWIW he's been in IC two years now and I've actually seen a lot of growth in him, around communication, vulnerability, and empathy, though I would say the empathy has not been directed at me to date. He's become a much more involved, engaged, and loving father. Whether or not he can work on his issues in/re our R is another story, but at this point I don't think he's a lost cause.

Also... sorry, but Bad Moms IS a funny movie wink Maybe you have to be a mom to like it. My H also thought it was dumb. I watched Bad Moms Christmas on an airplane and kept cracking up, which is weird when no-one else can hear the movie wink

I hope you also are enjoying the moment for the holidays-- it sounds like it! smile


Me (45) H (41)
M:13 T:17, D8 & D11
4/19 BD #1 ILYB
8/19 BD #2 Long-distance EA
12/19 BD #3 Actually 2 year PA
2-5/20 R attempt #1
6/20 limbo again, back in contact with AP
9/20-present R attempt #2