[Steve_]

Yeah I need to get off facebook im gonna delete it today. Not even send a "im getting off FB post" just delete it. I know the inevitable change relationship status will happen, and OM pics will go up eventually. Thats gonna mess me up I need to admit it now. There is nothing I can do. I am ashamed of myself for being so pathetic and weak about this. Im a dang pscyh nurse FFS I should know better than this. My wife is a sick person and so is OM. They got a super expensive townhouse and moved all our stuff there, they went from being friends to a couple living together in like 1.5 months. They been living together now 1.5 months. They just rocketed their kids and lives into this and all I have done is be a cushion for her. I should have went immediately into NC and let her hit this harder. I cant take it back now I can only do the right thing from now on. If im 100% honest with myself I know Ill be okay, in time. It was just hard to accept this massive change so fast, so unexpected, and being lied to this whole time that there was no OM, that we can "always get remarried" . Detachment has been really hard for me, obvious from the posts here. I don't think that OM and my W will work long term there are 1000% different from each other, our kids are totally different and so were our entire lives, but who knows maybe they will. I have to accept that too that the dude I hugged and called my buddy betrayed me and might be raising my kids. She tells me neither one of them wants marriage.. yeah right, maybe at the moment. He will ask to keep her from running, I guarantee it. It just sucked to be so blindsided by everything, asking every day for 2 weeks before BD "are we okay, is everything ok?" and getting a "yeah we are good". Just sick man..

I hate being lonely and so F'd over like nothing, like I meant nothing, that's what hurts the most is how I was simply discarded along with our idea of family and our new home all of it. Everything we worked so hard for was tossed in the trash for OM, his kids, his family.

Im just tired of hurting, tired of feeling this pain, this hole inside me left by the sudden removal of everything I counted on to be there. That's the lesson I took from this, never get comfortable with what you have, never get complacent with your partner. Am I responsible for her cheating on me and running off no? Am I responsible for her feeling like she was a possession I owned and not a gift I should have cared more for? yes. When this pain fades, I do enough NC, IC, and get stable on these meds I will be able to look for a partner that wont cheat over and over and that I can start anew with. At least I get that for my future. My W and OM get to know they are sh!tbags that destroyed thier marriages and are cheaters for the rest of theirs, good for them. I wish my kids weren't in this. My Dr. Friend and one of the MFT's here both think she is a narcissist. I guess its pretty common for people like me to be really messed up when we get discarded. Im gonna start looking into recovering from a narcissist. I didn't want to diagnose her but 2 professionals already did. Cant keep turning my head the other way anymore. Ill be back to update when i get my kids Saturday let you guys know how the rest of the week NC goes and my research on recovering from a narcissist.