[Steve_]

Tuesday was hard, it was depressing as hell. I left off tuesday with her on a very weak (for me) but positive note (for her). I posted something on facebook about wanting a time machine for Christmas so I could have done things differently. (no details about M or anything). Then I took it down a couple minutes later realizing it was stupid. Some sad cry to the ether that nobody actually cares about, I saw it was some some pity me crap and I deleted it. I never post anything. WW must have been stalking it because she text me and asked me why I took it down. I replied with "I don't want anyone to judge you, everyone feels sorry for me and thinks I was a perfect man, its not fair" She said "awww, its okay". I just said kiss our babies for me, goodnite.

Not a word since then on Tuesday night after that stupid interaction in person and that text. Nothing yesterday but doing my appointments, moving out of the moms, giving the keys back. Just being alone. I woke up today and it finally hit me, my wife is in love with another man, having sex with another man, she doesn't care anymore. The fake affection she did isnt love its feeling sorry for me, sympathy, pity, but she still lays in our bed with him. There is nothing left to say. I've been really good and understanding to her, there is nothing else to do but let time run its course. Anything I try delays the inevitable. That's what IC was trying to tell me, that's what you guys have tried to tell me. You cant nice a ww back. You cant do anything but validate, agree and dissapear from thier life as much as you can since that is what they wanted. Im not talking to her anymore not because its a game, or it might work or whatever, its because its what she wanted, and its the respectful thing to do for myself and my kids, im tired of being the weak chaser, I shouldn't be chasing someone who could do that to everyone she was supposed to love.

I hope she doesnt reach out today for anything. If its about kids ill say yes, no, whatever minimum. Other than that nothing. Just go home watch my netflix,take a walk try not to think. Let another day go by alone.