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Dropped the kids off to WW. At her moms she asked me to take them to her and oms new place. I politely refused and told her I wont go there.


Good job!

Remember, I mostly talk from the viewpoint of a WW, so if or when I say, "She needs".....I mean that's what has to happen in order for her to come to her senses so to speak, (Please don't make me regret saying that sentence). When I say, "She needs", I don't mean it's what she desires. Make sense? Okay, so let's work on this.

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So moms it was, i got there she was waiting on me, She said hey..pet name.. to me you can say hi
I smiled and she came up to me and said wow.. you look Fing amazing. Shes never said that before. She asked me well... and twirled around and said how do I look? Ok waiting? I told her, Ive said you look amazing so many times, you already know that.. she put her hands on my body and said damn, divorce is treating you well.. I fought it all most busted out hearing the divorce word.. She said oh no no dont get upset. I forced a smile. Kinda shook it off. She put her hands on my body and felt me up without asking. Then She said come here to the garage. She showed me her boobs that she just got fixed. I just said thats really nice Im sure someone is happy she said awww pet name, dont say that then she laughed that I called him a math teacher before and said he isnt ugly He really does look like a substitute math teacher lol she is really beautiful way out of his league. I just laughed at that and said he makes you look bad, you could do so much better I walked away and she hugged me and I said see you. She said bye handsome.



I know the rules say to be upbeat, pleasant, etc. However, sooner or later there's usually a situation that requires a firm/serious response. You should have let her know in no uncertain terms that you aren't amused or flattered, and to get her hands off you. That's what she needs to get through her head. She can't switch into her wifey persona whenever she chooses. Her H's body is no longer available for her to touch. You need to get it through your head, too! WW was conducting herself very inappropriately. Did you even consider her flirtatious behavior as being out of line? Probably not, b/c you still think of her as your "wife". She had certain liberties as your W, but things change when D comes.......like running her hands over your body.

Here's another example of a LBH being caught off guard and not knowing what to do. Next time, immediately call a halt, and exit ASAP. She needs to understand she is no longer entitled to call you pet names, touch you intimately, or say/make sexual suggestions. The terms have changed. She can't do intimate things with you one minute and go sleep with OM later, b/c you don't play that way. Right? This woman wants a D and has chosen OM over her H, but she wants to conduct herself in this type manner of her soon to be XH? This was a situation that required just a bit of sternness, IMHO, enough to let her know that with the new life comes new terms. I don't mean it in a punitive sense, but rather show that you won't stick around while she plays these type games. You respect yourself more than this. Next time, wipe the smile off your face, turn around and leave. Who does she think she is? She has no right to touch you in that manner or take you off into another place to show her naked breasts, b/c she didn't want to be in a MR with you and dumped you for another guy. You still think of her as being your W, and it really clouds your thinking when she pulls these type of stunts. Try your best to see it from an objective viewpoint. Stop focusing on how much you love her and can't live without her, and focus on self-respect.

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This is why I try to avoid her. Im not strong enough yet. I know she doesnt want me but why the hell does she do that?


She gets off on it. I've tried to tell you how a WW operates, but you aren't listening. Personally, I think both of you are toxin at this point. If I hadn't read other cases that gave a similar description of the WW........I would think your WW needs a therapist. I mean, you can expect ANYTHING from her.......if you don't figure out how to drop her. And, that's why we spend hours on the board, trying to help you figure it out.

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I need to get to the point I just get stone wall solid. Im ashamed of myself. A month and everything I did went down the drain. Im just gonna straight up ignore her from now on maybe she will get pissed and stop playing games with me.


Okay, Mr. Nice Guy, would it bother you if she got pi$$ed? I think you'll have to work toward that goal. See, the period of time where the couple are actually going through a D is fragile. Maybe I should say, the LBH is fragile if he's still hoping she'll come back. Couples can be civilized when interacting with each other. They don't have to shift to BFF gear. Based on personal observation and the cases here, they don't take time & space away from each other before they start all this pretentious "best friends" cr@p, and it's not normal for the one who is dying from a broken heart. He's been demoted from H to friend. So, they need a cooling off period, where they make adjustments to their new lives.

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She isnt coming back. Im just hurting myself like an idiot. I wish I could like go 90 days without her at all like to jail or back to Iraq or something and detox. It [censored] having to see the person that just up and walked away from your life without warning. Next time Ill just keep my distance and smile from afar. What an idiot I was. Big test to see if she still has me, big fail on my part she does. Dammit I want to stick my head in the dirt. She isnt coming back, why do I do this.


I would like to suggest you practice what the AA do. I've heard that they focus on getting through first day without drinking. When the next day comes......they focus getting through that day. Rather than biting off 90 days, why not make it a daily goal of "today". Just get through today. When you are tempted, struggling, etc........call someone, or come to the board to talk to get through it. Deal with your feelings.....as if it's an addiction. I think you have a mental health issue. Whatever it is, it's being camouflaged as "love". I'm not saying you don't love her, but I think you have a fear of something greater.

IDK how my posts may sound when you read them, but I am concerned for you, and all newcomers who are faced with these type of problems. Sometimes either or both spouses have additional circumstances/problems going on, and it sure doesn't help at a time like this. For example, some couples have a special needs child, or a high-pressured job, or physical problems. It all adds to the stress factor. ((hugs))


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!