Messed up again today.. backslid ..

Dropped the kids off to WW. At her moms she asked me to take them to her and oms new place. I politely refused and told her I wont go there. So moms it was, i got there she was waiting on me, She said hey..pet name.. to me you can say hi
I smiled and she came up to me and said wow.. you look Fing amazing. Shes never said that before. She asked me well... and twirled around and said how do I look? Ok waiting? I told her, Ive said you look amazing so many times, you already know that.. she put her hands on my body and said damn, divorce is treating you well.. I fought it all most busted out hearing the divorce word.. She said oh no no dont get upset. I forced a smile. Kinda shook it off. She put her hands on my body and felt me up without asking. Then She said come here to the garage. She showed me her boobs that she just got fixed. I just said thats really nice Im sure someone is happy she said awww pet name, dont say that then she laughed that I called him a math teacher before and said he isnt ugly He really does look like a substitute math teacher lol she is really beautiful way out of his league. I just laughed at that and said he makes you look bad, you could do so much better I walked away and she hugged me and I said see you. She said bye handsome.

This is why I try to avoid her. Im not strong enough yet. I know she doesnt want me but why the hell does she do that? I need to get to the point I just get stone wall solid. Im ashamed of myself. A month and everything I did went down the drain. Im just gonna straight up ignore her from now on maybe she will get pissed and stop playing games with me. She isnt coming back. Im just hurting myself like an idiot. I wish I could like go 90 days without her at all like to jail or back to Iraq or something and detox. It [censored] having to see the person that just up and walked away from your life without warning. Next time Ill just keep my distance and smile from afar. What an idiot I was. Big test to see if she still has me, big fail on my part she does. Dammit I want to stick my head in the dirt. She isnt coming back, why do I do this.

Last edited by Steve_; 12/02/20 02:10 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW moved in with OM 10/15/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Moving on, trying to be happy.
Glad my D was not busted.