Even though your postings were not direct "links", but they referenced sites and what to look for. There is no need to apologize...we all have either posted links or references sites where you can go look at reading material or watch videos, etc. We use to be able to do these things many, many years ago, but things have changed over the years.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.