I have always been her constant, her safe place, etc. she thinks it’s because I was abandoned by my father as a kid and by my W several times i have such a hard time letting go and being alone. She calls it an anxious attachment style.
I can relate, Steve. I also have abandonment issues from my childhood and have an anxious attachment style (Aka codependency). I also was able to get my ex back 4x (I cringe when I admit that I accepted her back so many times after leaving me) before she last left, I really struggled with letting go and obsessive ruminating.
The single best thing that has helped me in my journey has been staying single and going pitch black no contact with my ex. I've been single for almost 18 months now - by far the longest I've ever been single. It has been extremely painful and lonely but has also been very rewarding as I have learned to be ok by myself. I've also learned that I don't need a woman to validate me.
No longer will I tolerate anything less than I deserve from a partner because I know I will be just fine or without them. It's truly a game changer when you start to find your self worth again.
It's a long journey, Steve. But so rewarding. It's time for you find what makes you happy outside of your "relationship" and make yourself the focus.