[Steve_]

Well the therapist was an eye opener. Told me some things I needed to hear but didn’t want to.

She about cried when I told her my sitch, the lying, having to move our home, how I’m struggling now, etc. she commended me on not retaliating and told me it took a lot of strength to do that. In her opinion the relationship my WW is in probably won’t last and she might just come back because I have always been her constant, her safe place, etc. she thinks it’s because I was abandoned by my father as a kid and by my W several times i have such a hard time letting go and being alone. She calls it an anxious attachment style. She made me answer if I wanted her to come back. I told her the truth “I honestly don’t know anymore, I do love my W but this was really bad and I don’t know if I could ever let this go” her advice was pretty simple just in case, Practice now, decide later if that day comes.

Let her go.
Let the whole thing go.
Setup neutral boundaries to things I don’t want to do.
Accept this is life now.
Stop fighting the changes.
Let her figure out what she wants to do. Without my input.
Stop trying to rescue her from her mistakes.
Distract myself with anything I can when thoughts intrude.
Work on loving myself again. Stop focusing on my shortcomings in the M.
Prepare that she never comes back and I’m on my own.
Get to the point where I am ok being alone, single dad, detached from her.

Really similar advice as you guys give, minus the saving the M. Most of you here don’t think I can or should do that. But it seems like that doesn’t really matter since after IC today there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do anyways but look at what I did wrong come up with ways to not repeat that behavior. See if this thing of hers fizzles out. Back away in the meantime. If she doesn’t come back take that knowledge to the best relationship and do better.

I’m supposed to keep a log of any interaction I have with her this week. Also I’m not allowed to initiate any interaction we have for next week. The therapist doesn’t want me contacting her whatsoever and wants me to ignore anything that isn’t regarding the children directly for this week and report back on how that goes. Again similar to advice here but I’ve been unable to go a week since OM drop a month ago. I’m determined to do it this time.