[Steve_]

Damn, that hit hard.

I think your right. I have in the past used any and every method I could to make her stay when she tried to run the last 3 times. I called her whole family, begged, pleased, faked divorce even threatened suicide. I don’t know why I am being so honest here but I think it’s because I want to be better. I can’t accept her being with someone else. I think I need to let her go to be happy. I do love her and I don’t want her to stay with me anymore unless she wants to. That’s why this time I didn’t beg or plead, I don’t call her and tell her my pain or tell everyone what’s she is doing. I just sort of sat back and took it, tried to be nice this time. The last 3 times I got her back I used manipulation tactics and I didn’t want to do that. This probably will be the time she doesn’t come back because I don’t guilt her Into it. I’m starting to realize that my W and I used to be great for each other. Years ago when she had a 1 night stand then got pregnant aborted it and told me it was a miscarriage it broke my trust and made me resent her but I didn’t want to give up since we were married. I stopped putting my best foot forward a long time ago. I wasn’t a bad husband I was kind and good to her, i have to admit I felt like a good person just for staying and that never lasted long, she needed more than that. I think I need to no I know I need to let her go to make this choice on her own. Another day for me of NC. She hasn’t contacted me either. I’m just going to continue with NC and let the cards fall where fate puts them. Hard as it may be I do love her and because of that I have to let her go.

Thanks LH. Probably the first time I’ve been honest with myself this entire sitch. That was not easy to write or to share, more even to admit. I’m not going to try to make anything happen here. Just gonna do the old saying let her go and if she comes back ... but work on myself in the meantime.