[Steve_]

Talked on the phone to WW yesterday for awhile regarding the children. I told her once they find out OM is more than a friend it will hurt them and change thier relationship with her forever and we need to prepare for that. Especially with my son. She continues to deny it will be a problem and says he and OM get along fine. Sure, until he realizes that’s who replaced daddy. But I guess that’s her problem.

She asked me why I don’t call when I need things, why I don’t talk to her or get on face time. I lied about it hurting me and just told her “you have a boyfriend, I know he gets upset when we talk, I’m not trying to cause you problems” she said “I don’t care what he thinks” “call me anytime” yeah I’m not gonna do that. But that shows a real small amount of respect for him already. What a mess.

I told her that if she is ready I have a family therapist willing to help us with the kids because they keep being confused by the situation and don’t know we are getting a divorce. They want all of us to live together. I told her at some point they need to know that mom and dad are not gonna be together anymore and they are going to live this way from now on. She said she isn’t ready to make that decision yet. She hasn’t made a final choice yet.

I was just like wow in my own mind. She isn’t gonna leave the OM not anytime soon, not until something bad happens. She is just trying to avoid reality and pain at all cost. She didn’t even want to go to thanksgiving but her family made her and it was really weird. She said she has made this mistake before and rushed into it.

I just said hey it’s fine, I’m good where I’m at I’m not in a rush to break it to the kids, start seeing other people I’m good working on myself.

She asked how work was I just said “actually I gotta go”

That was yesterday. Haven’t said a word since. Don’t plan on it. I’ll call at 7 but only put the kids on as I been doing. Not being in her life is the best thing I can do for both of us. I know everything she says is crap. She isn’t going to leave OM any time soon. This is my life now it’s time to accept that. She doesn’t care about anything but herself. She didn’t even put a sweater on our kids to drop them off and it’s mfreezing. Her sister went off on her for that. I’m just going to keep up with neccesary only contact and do the best I can for my kids. It’s eating me alive but I know that won’t last forever. Even if it seems like it right now. I get a lot of moments of sadness with the kids and the holidays that our family is broken. That my life went from well off to making it by. Being alone is tough. But I know it’s what is necessary to heal. Looking forward to my IC appt tomorrow.