[Steve_]

I also plan to admit to the doctor that I am severely depressed, I have lost 46 pounds. I don't eat well, I don't sleep well, I put up a front all day at work and around her so she doesn't feel guilty. I do my best to do so for the kids. I haven't had a lot of time to myself to sort of just let this wash over me and accept it. its been crammed down my throat for the past 35 days at rapid speed and I just sat there spinning out of control trying to figure it out. I am a total mess. I am keeping up appearances to others but inside its pretty bad. Lots of anger, resentment, hopelessness, jealousy, all of that. The worst part is that it will be that way for a long time. If I don't really start to find a good way to drop this rope and be okay with myself its gonna take me down with it. That is what my therapist buddy told me. He is right. Today begins the day I stop trying to save my marriage and just try to save myself. Whatever happens to the M isn't on me anymore. Ill repost next week and let you guys know how the first week goes. I keep dragging myself here to barf everthing out and that may actually be not helping.